Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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