Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
