Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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