LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
