her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
birth control should be required to get into college
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
