i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
