Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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