please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
