she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
