xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
