I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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