So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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