Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
