Little spoons don't ask big questions
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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