Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
