you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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