how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
