remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
