Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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