I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
