could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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