we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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