I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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