I am spending my child support on dildos
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
