YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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