So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
