college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
