shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
