It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
