I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Found the puke drawer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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