Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
