I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
