Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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