I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
