i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
