i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
a search helicopter?!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
