I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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