thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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