I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
