Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
