Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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