i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
