I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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