we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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