I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
