So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
