Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
