I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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