My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
