if i can run in heels then i can drive
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
