mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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